Heavenly Returns Page 4

  Ryan turned toward the door. “I better give them a hand.”

  I tugged on his arm. “Let me give you a quick tour first. I want to show you my former cell.”

  He followed me down the hall where over thirty awards were plastered on the walls. Ryan pointed at an award Mrs. Schwartz received for class excellence. “Schwartz sure was good at kissing ass.”

  A huge grin spread across my face. “That’s exactly what I thought the first time I saw them.”

  Ryan stopped dead in his tracks when we came to the end of the hallway and faced a long wall punctuated by ten numbered doors—only four feet of wall space between them. “You weren’t kidding about the cells.”

  I stopped in front of number five. “I called this place home while I was in detention.” I swung open the door to reveal a space smaller than my walk-in closet at home. The ceiling vent pumped hot air into the room. A cot with a plain gray blanket still stood against one wall. Against the other wall stood a desk with a big glass jar of pond scum bubbling away in the corner. It was Mrs. Schwartz’s way of reminding me I’d better do my homework or I’d end up like the green scum in the jar for all of eternity.

  Ryan moved next to the crazy quilt of illustrations and graffiti that covered the board next to the toilet. One of my favorite inscriptions by the handle read, Schwartz stinks worse than my shit. In the corner next to the door was a sketch of a massive skyscraper with its windows broken out. The same one I noticed when I first arrived.

  I pointed to the skyscraper. “See we weren’t the only ones who knew something was wrong with JH.” I led him over to the big whiteboard of my sketch of Mrs. Schwartz wearing her grape hurl suit with shoulders pads big enough to make a linebacker proud. A large set of horns stuck out of the Helmet. “This is my contribution.”

  Ryan burst out laughing when he read my caption below it.Mystery solved: The Devil is Mrs. Schwartz. “Nice job. Had no idea you were such a talented artist.”

  “Ha. It’s just a step above a stick figure.”

  Celery hollered at us from the hallway. “Hey guys, I could really use some help.”

  We raced into the hallway and found Celery struggling to get the last guy out of the wheelbarrow. Ryan picked him up and tossed him on the cot in room two. The door clanked shut. “Wonder how long the cocoons will last?”

  I pulled the keys out of my pocket and locked the door. “Mr. X didn't say. But I hope they last at least until tomorrow.”

  We headed back down the hallway and into the living room. My grandparents finally pushed in a lumber cart with four men stacked on top of each other. My grandfather waved Ryan over. “These guys are making all kinds of crackling noises. Think we better separate them before the cocoons shatter.”

  We went over and each grabbed a man. I dragged a short skinny guy down the hall not caring if his head hit the wall. After what Palmer’s men put us through to win the contest, he deserved it. Working like an efficient team, it didn't take us long to have the men safely tucked away in cells.

  Celery gave me a high-five after the last cell door clanked shut. “Sixteen down, only forty something more to go.”

  Ryan and I didn’t laugh. We’d seen at least seventy men just at Palmer’s hideout between the guards and the men training to invade Earth. “I wish Mr. X had a giant blue net we could toss over them all.”

  Celery’s eyes grew large. “Hey, that’s not a bad idea. Why don’t you ask him if he can make something like that?”

  Ryan ignored our conversation as he rubbed his back. “Man, those guys are heavy.”

  My grandmother came down the hallway carrying a large rolling pin. “Pumpkin, why don’t you and Ryan take a break?” She swung the rolling pin around like a police baton. “Grandpa and I can take it from here.”

  Celery walked toward the hallway opening. “T, I’ll finish up here then I’ll catch you guys later.”

  Ryan looked at my grandfather’s empty hands. “I’d feel better if you had a weapon too. I’ll be right back.”

  He darted for the door and all I wanted to do was follow him, but I needed to make sure my grandparents were set for guard duty. I handed them the keys. “Don’t let anyone out. Hopefully you’ll have a quiet evening.”

  Gram bounced the rolling pin in her hand. “I’m ready to knock a few skulls in.”

  Gramps pulled out a pocketknife. “This may not look like much but it can slice up a carotid artery just fine.”

  The men we captured were Katrans. I didn’t even know if they had the same circulatory system as humans. I doubted it. “Great, you’re all set. Thanks so much for helping us out.”

  Almost in unison they both said, “Anything for you.”

  With my grandparents on guard I could hook back up with Ryan. But where was he? I bounded out to the living room to find him but stopped dead when I spotted a mass of blonde hair hovering behind the front door. The Helmet. “Mrs. Schwartz, what are you doing here?”

  She closed the door with a thud. “I was summoned.”

  “By my father?”

  A smirk spread across her face as she adjusted the zipper on her purple velour tracksuit. “Who else? It appears my organizational and administrative skills are in dire need.”

  Retirement hadn't taken the edge off my afterlife coach one bit. “I think we’re doing a pretty good job.”

  She waved her notorious pointer at the living room scattered with food and supplies for my grandparents. “Really. This is outstanding work?”

  “We’ve been a little busy with the prisoners. Tidying up wasn’t high on the to-do list.”

  She puffed out her ample bosom. “I will clean up after you, as usual.”

  Great. And here I thought I missed her. Thanks, Dad. “Where’s Celery? We can have this stuff put away in no time.”

  “I sent her to procure a few things.”

  Terrific, she was bossing everyone around as usual. “And Ryan?”

  “I told him to forget about finding a weapon for your grandfather. I sent him on a mission as well. My authority is higher than yours.” The Helmet hovered over me. “Are you ready for your orders?”

  Like I had a choice. “Fine. What do you want me to do?”

  “You’re needed at the palace. The One and Only is waiting.” She handed me a gold embossed envelope. “He has a mission for you.”

  ***

  I tore open the envelope and read the note. Father had a new mission he wanted to discuss over dinner. Too bad Ryan couldn’t join me. I wanted my father to get to know him better. But Schwartz had made sure that wasn't going to happen. Guess my dream of taking an hour off and lounging by the celestial pools would have to wait.

  Father’s directions said to follow a corridor filled with cherub tapestries and meet him in the dining room. Not an easy task when most of the hallways were clad in the same over-the-top tapestries. I took a left toward the main living room, figuring the dining room would be near by.

  The pungent smell of truffles drifted down the hallway. I must be getting close. Following my nose, I made a hard right. I let out a gasp when I entered the room. The walls were lined with huge gold pier mirrors that almost touched the twenty-foot ceilings. The light cast a glow over the gold damask drapes that framed a huge bay window. The ceiling had an enormous mural of cherubs and angels flying across a cloud-dotted sky. Two enormous chandeliers dripping in crystals sparkled like giant disco balls. The room rivaled the pictures I’d seen of the Hall of Mirrors at Versailles. I walked toward the massive carved dining room table, each side dotted with ten red throne chairs. Guess the Boss of Heaven liked to entertain.

  My father sat in a stately gothic chair gazing out the bay window. “My daughter, so glad you could join me.”

  So my father had eyes in the back of his head too. “You asked me to come, so I’m here.”

  Before I could sit down, the door in the back of the room burst open and two fat-cheeked cherub angels carrying large silver trays flew into the room. They hovered over the table
their wings beating as fast as a hummingbird’s. No wonder they were depicted in the tapestries in the palace. They ran the place.

  Father motioned for me to join him at the head of the table. “I ordered all your favorites.”

  Another cherub flew over and pulled out my chair. A blast of cold air hit my face. The motion of her wings worked like an air-conditioner. I sat down breathing in the wonderful aroma of truffles in cream sauce over a bed of fettuccini, caesar salad, garlic bread, sweet potato fries, and roasted garlic chicken. For dessert I could choose from chocolate lava cake, hot fudge sundae, lemon Bundt cake, and a huge platter filled with fresh fruit.

  My stomach growled as I loaded down my plate. “Wow, this looks awesome.”

  Father poured me a glass of champagne. “A toast to the ray gun. It was a resounding success.”

  “Yes, it works great.” I took a big sip. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, but we have a lot more work to do.”

  “Indeed, but your test mission was quite successful. Not only did you prove the ray gun’s abilities, but you captured quite a few of the enemy as well. It bodes well for the future of Heaven.”

  Talk about feeling the weight of Heaven on my shoulders. After a flurry of activity from the cherubs, we were finally left alone. I dug into my Cesar salad starving, from my crazy day. Once I polished it off I took a big spoonful of fettuccini enjoying the earthy kick from the truffles.

  My father reached over and squeezed my hand. “I glad you are enjoying the food. I promise I’ll invite Ryan soon.”

  So I’d failed at blocking my thoughts from him. “Could you, for once, not read my mind? I’d like to tell you myself.”

  He nodded. “I am sorry, it is second nature for a Katran.”

  “I still haven't mastered the art. But to be honest I don’t want to learn. I might not be happy with what I read in people’s minds about me. ”

  He gave me a sly smile. “I can tell you most people love you, as I do.”

  “Most people? Can I guess Mrs. Schwartz isn’t a fan?”

  “She doesn’t hate you.”

  I laughed. “Well said, Father.” Time to get serious. “I feel funny celebrating when we still have at least seventy men to capture.”

  “I know. We are only getting started.” He sat back in his chair. “Still, I’m proud of what you’ve already accomplished.”

  With a little help from my friends. “So, has Mr. X invented any new gadgets? Maybe Mr. X can make a giant cocoon device so we can capture them in one shot.”

  He smiled. “That is not a bad idea, my daughter. I will ask him to work on it. But we need more than his gadgets to defeat Palmer.”

  I gazed at the table filled with my favorite foods, but I’d lost my appetite. “What if we can't stop Palmer from conquering Earth?”

  His shoulders stiffened. “That is not an option. We must stop him. That’s why I asked you to come this evening.”

  So he was finally getting to the mission he mentioned in his note.

  “I’d like you to return to Earth.”

  I knocked over my glass of Coke. “What? I can’t leave everyone behind here—dead.”

  In a flash, a cherub flew in and mopped up my mess. As soon as he was gone, Father reached over and squeezed my hand. “Don't worry, Celery and Ryan will be able to return to Earth once the battle is over. But for now, I need you to help your people in case we fail.”

  A shiver ran down my neck. I knew what would happen if we failed. Palmer would destroy Earth and all the people on it. ”Father, I thought you said failure wasn’t an option.”

  “It is not. That is why I sought out the help of a group of alien believers on Earth. I have been impressed with their calculations on where aliens exist in space. They were very accurate. The leader seems quite resourceful. You have a meeting with them tomorrow evening.”

  I should be excited about being alive again and going back to my old life. Instead I felt my stomach churn. How could I go back without my boyfriend and my new best friend? “But Father, it wouldn’t be fair to Ryan or Celery. I’m sure they want to go back home too.”

  “I’ve spoken with them and they understand why you must return before them. They will head back to Earth soon enough.”

  My stomach churned again. “But we have no idea how long it would take to defeat Palmer. Father, it could take months.”

  He laced his fingers together. “This is true, but I hope it will be far sooner. Mr. X is working on a humidity device as we speak.”

  “That’s good news. Okay, what do you want me to say at the meeting?”

  “I need to you to convince them to help us. You have a special perspective.”

  “Because I’m from both worlds?”

  “Precisely.”

  A familiar tingling spread over my body as a white light shot down from the ceiling. Something tugged at me like a giant vacuum cleaner as I sat in my chair.

  Father held up his champagne glass. “Good luck, my daughter.”

  “Wait, Father.” A blinding light made it impossible to see. “What if something goes wr…n..g.”

  Chapter Five

  Home Sweet Home

  I stared up at the crazy sunburst light fixture hanging down from my bedroom ceiling. What was I thinking? It looked more like a spider with light bulb feet than the cool 50s retro vibe I was going for. I tried to move but my legs were twisted up in the neon striped comforter. My body felt like someone had tied it into big, loopy knots like a pretzel. Must have been one wild transport ride home.

  So I was back in my bedroom on Earth and alive. I pinched my arm hard. “Ouch.” My arm turned red and my skin throbbed. There really was a difference between real pain and the phantom pain I experienced in Heaven. The pain I experienced in Heaven faded quickly. I rubbed my arm to try to keep from getting a bruise.

  My mother’s heels clacked loudly on the wood floor. The familiar sound gave me a chill. She threw open my door and hovered over my bed. “Young lady. It’s ten o’clock, it’s time to get up.”

  Even though my mind and body were freaking out at being alive again, I had to remember my mother didn’t even know I had died. I stretched my arms over my head. “Can you call the school and tell them I’m going to be late?”

  “Stop joking around. You know it’s Saturday. But that’s no excuse. You need to get up and do your chores.”

  I loved how my mom always made it sound like we lived on a farm. Throwing off the covers, I slid out of bed and almost landed on my ass. I gripped the edge of the bed to keep from falling. “All right. Just give me a sec, I had a rough night.”

  “Are you drunk? When I heard the door open, I checked the clock. You came home after one in the morning. I should ground you right now.”

  Pushing past my mom, I staggered over to the bathroom. Between the humidity and the transport, my legs felt like mush. “It won’t happen again.” I splashed water on my face. “Be out to breakfast in a sec.”

  She stormed out of my room and I wondered when I died if she had even cried. Raising me always seemed like an inconvenience to her. I carefully put on my favorite T-Shirt with a picture of my dog Lucy on the front, and my skinny ripped denim jeans. Being back in familiar clothes lifted my mood, just a little.

  I leaned on the wall as I worked my way down the hallway. My legs were so shaky I felt like I was sailing on a ship. I closed my eyes and took a few deep yoga breaths. When I opened my eyes my house felt like someone else’s. Being away made me realize it was always my mother’s home. My dad and I were just two more pieces of furniture to her. Something to dust and move around occasionally.

  By the time I made it to the bottom of the stairs I had my Earth legs back. I walked toward the kitchen, my mother’s favorite room. She spent a fortune renovating it to rival one she’d seen in a Restoration Hardware catalog. To me the light grey cabinets and Carrera marble countertops were way too sterile. But they fit my mother to a tee.

  I headed straight for the back door to see my bea
utiful collie, Lucy. Strange, she wasn’t in her usual spot on the back porch. My stomach growled demanding to be fed. It reminded me I needed to eat to keep my body going, not for pleasure like up in Heaven. Lucy’s morning walk would have to wait. I pulled open the pantry and took out a box of Apple Jacks. The orange and green circles made a nice jingling sound when I poured them into the bowl.

  Dad came wandering in from his favorite spot to read the newspaper, his well-worn recliner. I wanted to run up and squeeze him tight; instead I just shoveled down a spoonful of cereal trying to act normal.

  He brought his newspaper and sat down across from me in the breakfast nook. “Hey, kid. See you’re finally up.”

  I took in his face. He wasn’t my real father but I loved him in my own way. I learned that from the questioning session with Mr. X at the Temple of Truth. “As soon as I’m done with breakfast do you want to come with me while I walk Lucy?”

  Dad sat scouring the sports page. “Once I finish reading the paper.”

  My mother cleared her throat. “The dog smelled like latrine so I took her to the groomers.”

  I wanted to strangle her. To her Lucy was like a large furry rat instead of the dog I loved desperately. Once again my mom had found a way to ruin my homecoming. Of course to her it was just another day.

  My dad continued reading the paper. “If I’m done catching up on the news I’ll go with you when Lucy’s back.”

  My mom tapped her foot impatiently. “Bernie, did you forget we are going to have brunch at the club with the Hurlbuts?”

  He ran his hand through his comb-over. “Of course not. But it isn’t for an hour.”

  “Why don’t you go back to reading your newspaper? We girls need to talk.”

  Dad scrunched up his face. “Fine.” He gathered up his paper and marched over to his recliner. Mother hadn’t changed one bit. But of course, why would she? My death had been erased from her mind the second I woke up in my bed. I shoveled a big spoonful of cereal in my mouth, ignoring the fact I’d forgotten to pour milk on it.